Here’s a story that is really, well, dumb. The problem is not so much that it happened. That part is easy to understand. What is difficult to fathom without breaking into fits of laughter is the reaction.

The story goes like this. A couch manufacturer in China used Kingsoft software to translate a product label. The software is an omnipresent tool in computers across China. One particular version of said software, an old version, translated the color “dark brown” into the racially charged “n—– brown”. This is definitely not a good thing but I doubt the couch meant it in a derogatory manner or that the software is racist.

So the couch is sent to Canada where it is purchased by Doris Moore, who is black, and takes great offense. A certain (mild) level of offense is understandable. There should be a proofreader of these labels, no doubt. And it probably leaves one wondering about the quality of the couch in question.

But no, Moore says somebody should take responsibility, which according to the version of the story from AP translates into cash.

Some of her friends, Moore said, actually refused to sit on the racist couch and the issue has “taken a toll on her family.”

Apparently, Moore’s daughter found the label and questioned her on the word which she didn’t know. She probably hasn’t been watching television or listening to music or going to the movies or reading Huckleberry Finn or going to school. Moore said she didn’t want her daughter learning the word in this random fashion. I guess one alternative would be that she learn the word spoken by a character in a movie who is holding a gun and shooting people, or that she learn it from some white guy in a period piece who has absolutely no tolerance and represents everything that is base about humanity.

Some translations that come out of China are wrong, more often funny wrong than insulting wrong. Yes, it can be a (mild) issue. But how much of a toll can a wrong label have on the family? More than that, where do these friends come from that are holding the couch responsible for the label and preventing it from fulfilling its destiny by not sitting on it?

An official at the Ontario Human Rights Commission (yes, this is now a human rights issue) said it could take two years to resolve this. Two years! How many hearings is that? How much money will it cost? How many inflammatory comments over a simple mistake made by a piece of software that has already been fixed? (By the way, Kingsoft has already apologized and said the whole thing really was a problem with the software.) Will somebody actually pay Moore for this? And, if that is the goal of the entire exercise, how does that affect efforts to deal with issues that are truly important and based on actual racism and discrimination by people, not furniture?

For a little while, I guess, we can put genocide, racial killings, that fact that a racist has a shot at becoming president of France, conflicts in the Middle East, discrimination against minorities in Canada itself and myriad other problems firmly in the back burner. We got a couch to deal with.

If you aren’t subscribed the the weekly emails of Access Asia, you should be. This week they are trashing the new version of the Rough Guide - the other Lonely Planet - on China, which praises the new “eco-village” being built on Chongming Island outside of Shanghai as representing “the most forward-thinking philosophy in the world.” Quite a statement, and one which the boys at Access Asia proceed to rip apart:

The boosters would have you believe that Dongtan is a vision of China’s green future, rather than just a small project on the outskirts of a big non-green city that is likely to stay that way. In short, Dongtan goes ahead, costing US$2 billion for the first phase alone, while building codes in Shanghai remain somewhere between lax and non-existent, doing nothing to encourage environmental protection or energy saving. While in winter heaters pump out heat that goes straight out the window, in summer the air cons do the same with cool air (meaning most of us freeze all winter and boil all summer, despite rising electricity bills) while efficient water use is not monitored…

There is a little historical tradition in China that Dongtan fits into quite nicely. Those of you who were students of recent Chinese history may recall the case study of the Shenfan collective farm, a Dongtan of its day. Indeed, William Hinton’s book Shenfan remains on the reading list for many Chinese Studies courses, despite being blatant propaganda for Mao’s disastrous agricultural policies. The hype surrounding Dongtan today feels a lot like Shenfan then (with the added extra of some Round Eye involvement and much cash), a model project that was largely smoke and mirrors, but that succeeded in one major aim – to get journalists (and Rough Guide writers) to wax lyrical and make everything seem OK. It wasn’t then, it isn’t now. We humbly submit that Dongtan is not a solution but rather a mask and a diversion – just as Shenfan drew the hacks while famine gripped the nation, so Dongtan draws the crowds while environmental rot continues untreated. Enjoy your day.

Well done, lads.

This is incredibly frustrating. For all of us who depend upon MSN, Skype, email and the net in general - ie, everyone - a breach in the network is simply unacceptable. It has led to a complete breakdown in business and showed us all how dependent we are on reliable networks. Even my HTML editor is crashing now when I try to switch to design mode - apparently having to call up the server to show images is too taxing for the program.

Ideally this travesty will lead the lords of the internet to design some kind of effective backup system. Until then, we can only wait here in e-purgatory.

My mother has been visiting me in Shanghai for the last couple of weeks. In preparation for her visit I bought an “Enjoy Shanghai” coupon book, planning to take advantage of the two-for-one specials and other discounts at eateries around town.

The first attempt took me by surprise when I failed to notice that the 100RMB discount on meals over 300RMB at Simply Thai was accompanied by fine print that the discount only applied to food purchases and not drinks. It struck me as pretty churlish, but I could only really blame myself for not reading the fine print.

Regardless, the food was great and it was a simple matter of sitting back down and ordering a round of deserts to tip the total over 300RMB, which threw the whole restaurant into dissaray and made me look like a complete knob. The price I pay for principle.

Lessons learned

On the way to brunch today at Kabb in Xintiandi, buy-one-breakfast-get-one-free coupon in hand, my mother reminded me to check the fine print. “No worries,” I said, checking the coupon carefully. “There is no fine print”.

Arriving at the restaurant, I was startled to find that the coupon didn’t apply to my visit. “It’s only for Monday to Friday,” the waiter informed me, shrugging his shoulders when I pointed out it would be useful if the coupon, rather than the staff, carried the irksome details.

I checked with the manager. This time the response was that the coupon only applied before 11am. Two excuses, both obviously outright lies, and both absolutely inextricable.

Again, I only have myself to blame. I really should have read the invisible print, the one that says “do business in China at your own risk”.

But, in a population of 1.3 billion, is it any wonder business operates on the principle that another sucker will be along any minute. In the fastest growing and most magnetic economy on earth, nothing is more certain.

I received news this week that a very good friend of mine had resigned from her job in Shanghai and was planning to return to her home country with her boyfriend, also a very good friend of mine.

The reason given was that living in Shanghai was just too hard, and the lifestyle sacrifices they had to make to remain didn’t justify the daily hassles.

What strikes me the most about their decision is that it comes as top multinationals in China are scaling back expat packages in the midst of an intense localization campaign. It also comes hot on the heels of a survey showing that China is one of the easiest places to atttract expat executives, but one of the most difficult places to make that posting successful.

My friend was certainly on an expat package, but it was very much on the lower end of the scale, putting her overall package on a par with the salary she earned at home (and her partner was struggling to find a job in China that satisfied him and didn’t completely derail the career that he had fashioned successfuly before following her to the so-called Paris of the Orient).

With them gone, pretty much the only foreigners I know working in China - bar english teachers (of course) and journalists - that are not either married to a local or have had a long-standing attraction to China are on lucrative expat packages.

The word from human resources professionals in China is that the localization drive is losing its appeal as recruiters struggle to turn up the talent required from the local labor pool (before I get skewered for this let me make it clear that I am convinced this is simply an accident of history, education, training and, I believe most importantly, the absence of mentoring for junior staff - as a simple test of this, go to a bar, order an obscure cocktail from the most junior bartender, and watch as the supervisor makes a great show of making the bartender feel stupid - not some entrenched cultural or genetic defect).

Until time has a chance to heal, this means expats are still going to be required, and in ever greater numbers, as China continues on its still fast but increasingly complex growth trajectory. But MNCs in China must face the reality that aside from people who come for love (for their partners, the country, the language, or simply the KTV girls) the rest of us come for money (although it can be argued that journalists come to record other people making money or the government executing people for their organs - not me though boss, I am in it for the moola, so lets talk).

It is way too soon to start talking about the end of the expat package. Those in charge of hiring are fond of saying “hardship, what hardship?”. They are the ones on the lucrative expat packages who don’t have to deal with getting: robbed by their landlords; cut off by their phone company for not paying the bill for a wireless internet connection that only works within one metre of the wireless hub - for christ sake, just give me a %^&*ing cord; and have a driver so they never have to experience trying to catch a taxi in the rain, or trying to get off a crowded subway train in the face of %&%$&%$& trying to crowd on without letting those already on get off - hello people, aiyaiyai - and the list goes on.

Next time it comes to contract negotiations, if the words “hardship, what hardship?” are uttered, simply reply “what hardship?, hardship” or, better yet “what hardship, aiyaiyai!!!!”. If your boss doesn’t understand, ask about their package, and tell him or her to match it.

China’s May holiday this year basically involves a shut-down on business for nine days, plus a couple more for staff to get back into the mood at the end of the process. Ridiculous. A long Chinese New Year holiday is inevitable and justified by tradition immemorial. But the May and October breaks? They should be cut back down to one day each. The original aim was to encourage Chinese consumers to grasp the joys of consuming. They have now got it. No need to labor the point, pardon the pun.